My Writing

The Edge of Eternity (for Katie Marie)


There were eighty eight of us. Warriors who chose to give up our souls so we could go to Hell and fight there forever.


I was their Captain. My name is Karlen Twain, and I led these men through countless battles, we fought overwhelming odds and overcame them and achieved many victories. These men trusted me with their lives, their faith in me absolute. They knew I would always lead them back home after battles fought and won. We lost battle brothers, and in the field there is often no time to grieve and give those fallen men their deserved farewell. So we would always simply wrap the bodies in whatever spare blankets we could and remove from them those mens possessions. Which we would distribute among the remaining battle brothers.


In this way all of us that remained would have some small item to remember the ones we lost who can no longer fight alongside us. One of us would then say the blessing of passing beside each fallen comrade, “may your soul find peace and may you go on the next part of your journey in safety, it was an honour to walk with you and you will be missed brother”


Then we would burn the bodies leaving no trace we had been there, the fallen enemies would be left where they died. We do not honour the dead of the enemy. They are men with no honour and rape and murder is part of their creed. We do not mourn such men who choose to side with Hell.


On our journey we met a mystic called Ashenko, he told of us of a legend that the realm of Hell would be threatened and laid siege to by warriors from this world. He told us that these men of legend would be led by a man who wielded a black sword and he would also be searching for someone from his past life. That such a man would be among eighty eight warriors.


We numbered eighty eight including myself and I carried the sword Shiren, given to me by my teacher and best friend who sadly died in battle seven summers ago. The sword was forged from meteor iron and was made according to the ancient ways handed down from our sword smiths from the beginnings of our civilization. Such swords are rare and this one was blessed by the Buddhist monks who granted it the power to banish evil.


I was told by the Abbot of the monastery that this blade had the power to vanquish creatures from the realm of Hell. It was forged from a metal so pure and imbued with such a powerful energy that combined with the blessings of the monks made it a potent weapon against evil.


When the mystic Ashenko asked to see the sword, I unsheathed the blade and handed it to him, holding the blade itself so he could safely grasp the sword. He held it to the moonlight and looked down its blade, he seemed awed by this weapon, and after doing a practice cut with the blade through the air he reverently handed Shiren back to me.


He said he had only heard of swords like this in stories, he never knew they actually existed, he said that the sword itself had a soul that he could sense, he said it was one of such power and purity that made the blade a potent weapon againt evil, this of course I knew but then Ashenko told me that such a blade could exist in Hell, I was stunned and asked him how that could be.


He said the blade has a soul that is bound to its wielder and when the wielder dies it goes where he goes. He told me it can exist in any dimension or region in the astral planes. I asked him if this was the sword that the legend he mentioned spoke of. He said it must be and that meant myself and my battle brothers were the eighty eight warriors who were destined to give up their souls so they could fight in Hell for eternity and wage war on the fiendish daemonic spawn that reside there.


This news gave me pause for thought. My battle brothers and myself discussed that night what we should do. We could live our lives here and fight for truth and love, freedom and justice. And continue to seek out evil men and end them in battle, but this would only last for as long as we were able to wield a sword and remain strong and healthy. We could not do this forever. Time would erode us all in the end and our task would be left incomplete. Perhaps if we were lucky and Fate was kind we may not lose too many of our number and be able to continue the fight, travelling the lands for the next twenty or thirty years.


However with each year our numbers would grow less and in time we would all perish. We spoke of many things that night, each of us told stories of home and those that shared our love who waited for us hopeful they would see us once more. We spoke of family and loved ones who we still thought of constantly even though we had been waging our war against injustice for several years. Some of us had children and they would be growing up without their fathers and some of us were uncles who had nieces and nephews back home.



These were all people who shared our love and gave us strength so we could be here and fight for them so the evil would not encroach on our home. We all had someone back there we missed and someone we loved who missed us.

I told my battle brothers of my love who was lost to me now. I told them of a place far from here across the ocean of Tranquillity.


She was such a wonderful woman and loved me more than I deserved. Her heart so warm and tender, her soul so very beautiful to me. She was my great love and as I spoke of her, tears welled in my eyes. Her name was Kitiara Swift and she was an orphan, her family had died in an accident in the mountains, she was only nine years old when a young couple travelling along the mountain pass found her huddled by the side of the track wrapped in a blanket and shivering.


She had been playing in the fallen snow and was far from the house when a lightning bolt struck the roof. The house was made from timber and the roof from thatch. The thatch was sealed with tar and this became a fast burning fuel that burned the building down in moments, its unclear why her mother and father and older brother had not been able to escape the house.


I think the speed of the fire was so great they had no time to flee. When Kitiara made her way back home all she could see was a plume of smoke filling the sky where her home was. She ran not knowing what she would find and saw the house a shell gutted from the intense fire. She cried out for her father, mother and brother but none answered her call. She wept and wept till she could cry no more tears and Kitiara knew that all she had was no more.


Her father owned a horse and though it had been startled by the fire it had returned Her father kept a travelling pack by the stable for his horse. This was not affected by the fire as it was several metres away from the family home.

Kitiara ran to the stable and looked for her father's pack. She smiled for he had packed it with several days of supplies and there were fresh blankets and a bed roll all neatly tied with leather straps to the top of the pack. There was also a red hooded cape and his sword and throwing knives in their pouch.


Her father had taught her how to use the perfectly balanced knives and she had soon mastered the art of throwing these with great accuracy. The tree stump in the clearing near the house was filled with little holes where she had thrown the knives time and time again.


Kitiara said a final goodbye to her family and shouldered the pack and grabbed the sword now in its sheath and the knives in their pouch. She called the chestnut brown gelding to her. The horses name was Shadow and he came to her call. She mounted the horse and with tears streaming down her face rode away from the only place she ever called home and the only people she ever loved.

Galloping across the fields still covered in snow she was heading away from here, so far away and would need to reach the mountain track before nightfall.


I had never told anyone about Kitiara’s life and by telling my comrades this tale of her sorrow, they understood something about me. But I did not want to sadden them so I continued with stories of when we first met and when we courted. I told them of the time Kitiara wanted to surprise me on a birthday and made a beautiful piece of calligraphy which she placed on my bed. When I returned from tending the crops in the field I went to our room and saw this beautiful piece of writing.


She had written, “love is you... you and me” and underneath was written, “I want to be your tear drop, born in your eyes, live on your cheeks and die on your lips” I felt so moved by these wonderful words my heart felt such great joy and gladness and my eyes welled with tears, then suddenly I felt hands cover my eyes. Kitiara’s soft accented voice said, “I missed you so much, I hope you like the present. Happy birthday Karlen, I love you.” She removed her hands and I turned and held her close to me for a long moment, before kissing her slowly and tenderly....





Fallen Angel


A fragile angel falls to the ground, his wings all twisted up, his heart all shattered fragments. His one wish to come to earth, to find the woman he has loved for so long. He has looked upon her face so many times, seen her tears and her brittle smiles. He has wanted to hold her in his arms, show her that she is not alone, show her that someone loves her.


He has wanted this moment to be real for so very long, and now he is here, laying breathless on the ground a few steps from her front door. He stands, legs shaking and walks unsteadily to her door.

He is covered in cuts and bruises and he feels bone weary, but he smiles for it is good to be alive and breath this air.


He has chosen mortality over eternity. He has chosen love over service. He hopes he made the right choice as there is no going back now.


Before knocking on her door he catches his breath for a moment, then finding his nerve once more he knocks three times upon her door. The seconds fly by then he sees a light come on in the hall.

He takes a deep breath as the door opens.


“I heard you knocking, er who are you?” she asks with a quaver in her voice.

“I came a very long way to see you tonight, its hard to explain…” he falters.

“Wait I know your face, it is very familiar, of course! You are the one from my dreams! I see you almost every night. Sometimes I wish I could dream forever….” She says breathlessly, tears welling in her eyes.


He takes a step towards her but his legs are weak and he falls forward, she reaches out to him and pulls him toward her before he falls and they embrace for a long moment.

“I can’t believe it is you! But how is this possible? How can you be here?” she exclaims as the tears flow down her face.

“If I told you perhaps you wouldn’t believe me, perhaps you would think I was crazy.” the Angel says.

“No, tell me. Tell me how you are here, tell me I’m not dreaming for once.” She whispers.


“I am not a stranger, I have been with you for a long time. I know what you hide, deep inside. I know your pain and your fears. Five years ago I was standing with you when you threw those roses onto Jakes coffin, you cried and cried. I wanted to hold your hand so badly that day. I wanted to tell you that you would be ok, that I would be there always. Maybe you heard me say those words that first time I was with you.”


Then the Angel speaks softly, “I have been with you every day thereafter, Shelly I have to say this, for I am human now. I fell so far, but I did not die. And all those years I walked with you as an Angel, I grew to love you. I longed for that smile of yours to appear more often, I wished those tears you cried would grow less. But in my heart I knew I could not love you like this. So I made a wish to be cast down from Heaven, to be with you, to be human so I could love you.”


The Angel looks at Shelly for a long moment then brings his hands to her face, he puts his hands on either of her cheeks then says, “Shelly I love you, and I promise that I will never leave you…”

The Angel leans in and kisses Shelly long and slow, their tears mingle as the snow starts to fall….


As the snow falls more heavily Shelly helps the Angel walk into the house. She guides him to the living room, to the sofa which he gratefully falls onto.


“I need to get some things from the first aid box to treat your cuts, don’t go anywhere…” Shelly grins then says, “But I don’t suppose you are wanting to go anywhere, right?”


“Shelly if you don’t mind I am just going to lay here awhile, I am really exhausted, but right at this moment I couldn’t be any happier.” He says smiling at Shelly.


“Ok, I won’t be long.” Says Shelly then she disappears to get what she needs.


When Shelly returns she finds the Angel sound asleep, so she carefully tends to his wounds then after applying the last of the bandages she kisses his forehead then places a blanket over his sleeping form.

Shelly pulls up a chair so she is closer to the sofa where the Angel is now sleeping.


She sits there for hours not wanting to fall asleep, content to gaze upon the face of the man she has seen in her dreams these past 5 years. Her head turns and she looks upon Jakes picture on the mantelpiece. Her tears flow once more and she smiles for she isn’t sad right now, just really happy.


“Thank you Jake for sending me this Angel, You must have known I would need him someday. I still miss you….I still wake up expecting you to be beside me. This Angel, I don’t even know his name, but I feel like I know him so well. After all, almost every night for the last five years I have seen him in my dreams.”


“Jake it seems strange to tell you this, but I feel like I love this Angel. But part of me will always love you, that is never going to change I promise.”




The Relief of Atramis


The Strike Cruiser Eternal Vigilance had been travelling across the Warp for several days

now. Bound for a planetary system that had sent out a distress signal via an astropathic

message transmitted to the Rock, which was the hallowed orbital fortress monastery of the Dark

Angels Chapter.


Upon receiving the message the Chapter Master Azrael himself issued the briefing to elements

of the 3rd Battle Company and 2nd Company, the Ravenwing. It was to be a rapid strike

mission and the Chapters fastest strike cruiser was to be used to deliver the troops to the

battle zone.


After much discussion it was also decided that two squads of the Dark Angels 1st Company, the

Deathwing would also accompany the assault teams. Space was limited so they could only take

an additional two Land Raiders, two Predators and three Rhino APCs.


It was to be a relatively small hard hitting force that would be making planet fall on the

beleaguered world of Atramis. According to the message that was received Tyranids had

overrun the capital city Belriam and overwhelmed the planetary defence troops stationed in

the capital.


Atramis was an important world to the Dark Angel Chapter as it was a world they had used as

a base while engaging in a campaign to eradicate an Ork invasion in a nearby system. Even

though Atramis was not directly inviolved in the conflict it had proved invaluable as a

resupply and staging point for that engagement.


The populace of Atramis had welcomed the Dark Angels with open arms and the ruling

government had provided all the assistance the Dark Angels needed to carry out a successful

purge of the Orks.


The planetary governor Lord Reas Glavern had pledged to the Dark Angels that from that point

on his system would always provide what ever help they could to the Chapter and that the

world could be used to recruit from if the Dark Angels so wished.


Atramis was the jewel of that system. It was a large world with a relatively small

population. It had several large continents ranging from one which was for the most part

lush jungle with several huge lakes.


One which was mostly desert running along the equatorial region of the planet and in the

northern continent where the capital was located a temperate region filled with miles of

verdant grass land and large forests.


To the north and south were the polar regions of Atramis, Icy wastelands for the most part.


The people on this world had developed into a complex society based on an early warrior

culture. Their Tech level was similar to that found in much of the civilized worlds of the



Because of the worlds long established warrior culture all of the populace upon reaching

adulthood were to be trained as members of the Planetary Defence Force.


Atramis PDF though smaller than those found on other Imperial worlds were tough and well

trained. They had good equipment and we well versed in all aspects of warfare.



Several hundred years before Dark Eldar had raided the world thinking it would be an easy

victory for them but the Atramis PDF had put up a valiant defence and all the Dark Eldar

were destroyed completely in a two year campaign that encompassed battles fought across the

entire world.


The people of Atramis informed the Imperium of the Dark Eldar incursion but had not asked

for any military aid preferring to trust in their own military might.



Then during the Ork incursion in a nearby system they had sent Atremis PDF to fight

alongside the Dark Angels in that bitter war. They had suffered huge losses but the Dark

Angels were impressed by their prowess and martial skill.


All the Atramis PDF fought with courage and honour giving no quarter and never retreating.

After the Ork war the world of Atramis swore oaths of loyalty to the Dark Angels and from

that point on there would always be a bond between the two.


Subsequently the Dark Angels visited the world recruiting a batch of young warriors to be

novices in the Chapter and it was promised that a small force of Dark Angels would be

permanently stationed on that world.


Now the World of Atramis was in danger and they had asked the Dark Angels to help them in

their most desperate hour.


For Chapter Master Azrael it was a priority to send a rapid strike force to Atramis to aid

their allies. Promises were made to their people and it was with some regret that Azrael had

not made the preparations to station Dark Angels on that world sooner.


The plan was for two squads and a chaplain to be based there in order to instruct and train

the Atramis PDF and also maintain a Dark Angel presence on that world.


The strike cruiser Eternal Vigilance left the Warp and has made full speed towards the outer

fringes of the Atramis system.


Onboard the ship the Dark Angels are making final preparations for battle. In the shuttle

bay Battle Brothers are embarking onto Thunderhawk gunships and all the vehicles are being

made secure and ready for transfer by Thunderhawk transporters to the battle zone. Soon it

will be time to make planet fall.


Onboard Thunderhawk Delta Interrogator Chaplain Uriel is talking to his troops. As he walks

along the inside of the Thunderhawk he looks into each of his Battle Brothers faces in turn.

He sees their determined and serious expressions looking back at him.


"Battle-Brothers we are preparing now to enter a warzone. You have all made such

preparations countless times before but I must stress to you the importance of our mission

here today."


"The people of Atramis are in great peril and only our actions today will save them. The

Atramis PDF has fallen back to the northern part of the continent. Most of the populace have

been air lifted to the southern continent Terranos to keep them from harm during this

conflict yet many hundreds of their people perished in the initial Tyranid incursion when

those xenos filth landed in the capital."


"One garrison of Atramis PDF sold their lives dearly to delay the Tyranids from overrunning

the main airfield. These brave men and woman faught and died to facilitate most of the

civilian population to be air lifted to safety."


"Now we are to land on the outskirts of the capital and carry out a search and destroy

mission against the Tyranids. We will be supported by members of the Ravenwing who will

conduct a series of hit and run attacks along the front lines."


"There will also be support in the form of a squad of Devestators led by Sergeant Ustez.

They will be split into two fire teams each attached to one of our squads."


Chaplain Uriel looks at the Sergeant of squad Epsilon.


"Brother Garel your assault squads will exit the Thunderhawk two clicks south of the air

field. It will be an aerial drop and you will be tasked to engage the Tyranid warriors on

the southern side of the air field. Tornadoes from Omega squadron Raven wing will be

assisting you."


Battle-Brother Garel nods his head in agreement, "Affirmative my Chaplain."


Then Uriel turns to look at the members of Tactical Squad Sigma under his command

He speaks directly to Veteran Sergeant Agustus.


"Augustus we are to support Garel and his two assault squads. They will spearhead the

assault on the group of Tyranids who are occupying the area around the airfield.

Sergeant Ustez and his Devestator squad will also be present."


"They are landing at our drop zone via Thunderhawk Alpha Two. We will be landing ahead of them

as Alpha two is air dropping two Assault squads over the outskirts of Capital before it will

be in postion to land Ustez and his squad."


Sergeant Agustus smiles and replies, "I look forward to destroying the Tyranid filth."


Uriel responds, "I also share your sentiment Brother. The people of Atramis must be freed

and we will prosecute the foe with ruthless and relentless vigour."


He turns to address all the Space Marines under his command.


"You all know your assignments. You are facing a deadly and horrifying foe. Do not

underestimate your enemy. Show them no mercy. Give no quarter. On this day we will shall

liberate the people of Atramis."


Uriel clenches his right fist and raises it to his chest and shouts in a passionate voice,


"For the Emperor! For the Lion!"


All the Battle-Brothers present raise their clenched right fists to their chest in unison as

Interrogator Chaplain's words echo around the cabin of the Thunderhawk gunship.


Then all the Battle-Brothers shout loudly, "Death or Glory!"






The Story Of Natalie


It all began three years ago. Life back then was different. The people I knew were different. I had just left college and was deciding what I wanted to do with my life. I was in a coffee shop sipping a mocha and reading a book, some kind of science fiction story. That's when I looked up and saw you. You had just walked in through the door, shopping bags in either hand and a tired expression on your face.


I think I stopped breathing when I first saw you. You seemed more real than everyone else. Your eyes…They were the first thing I noticed about you. A brown so dark they almost seemed black. And so hauntingly beautiful. You glanced around for a waiter and saw me looking at you and at that moment…Your tired expression faded to be replaced by the brightest of smiles, I smiled back.


Then a waiter came over and took your order. 10 - 15 minutes must have gone by and I had restarted reading my novel and you were immersed in a paper. I would glance up every so often and sometimes you would too. We must have been doing that for close to half an hour. Then you put your paper down and got up to walk to the counter…but instead of ordering something you turned and walked over to me.


As you approached I thought "oh my god she's coming over what do I say?" You smiled then you said, "Hey." I smiled back and said, "Hey you." You then asked me, "I was wondering if you'd like to join me for a coffee as I am gonna be here for awhile." "Yah, that would be cool, do you want to sit here or shall I bring all my stuff to where you are?" I replied quickly. "No, it's ok, ill bring my stuff to you, hold on one minute ok?" And thats how it all started. Just a chance meeting in a coffee shop.


Its been 3 years since that day. In that time we became close friends, fell in love and got married and had our first child, little Emily Jade. I wish you could see her now, She will be a year old in May. It will be 9 months since you left me. Left me without an explanation and a 2 and half month old baby in my arms. I knew you were running from something. I knew, but you never told me what from. I thought for the time we were together you had stopped looking over your shoulder.


I thought at that time that whatever was chasing after you had given up. Why couldn't you have given me an explanation for your leaving, why couldn't you have taken us with you? Looking back I think to myself that you led a life that I wasn't meant to find out about. Another life, one that was dark and frightening. One that you could never tell me about. Well I didn't tell you everything about me. I used to be a hacker. I used to break into secure servers and steal information.


Information I would then pass on to whoever had hired me. Sometimes I'd have to destroy information. Hacking in and deleting files or uploading virus software that would systematically wipe the target computers hard drives. Sometimes I would be given the task of bringing down a companies entire network infrastructure within a time frame. I did this and so much more, causing millions of pounds worth of damage to these people and setting back those companies years in terms of the research and information they had been able to assemble which I had then stolen and then deleted from their systems.


When I met you I wasn't hacking, I had given it up to pursue a normal life. Something real. Well I'm glad I did that because I had something real with you, something wonderful. I also have Emily now. She reminds me so much of you. That smile of hers is just like yours. You missed out on so much. Emily's first real words, her first steps un-assisted. She is such a bright little girl. Everything about her reminds me of you. That quizzical expression that often crosses her sweet face before she bursts out laughing.


That warm smile she gives me as though she were seeing me for the first time every time she looks at me. The way she sleeps with a hint of a smile and her arms and legs starfished across the bed. I'm staying strong for little Emily but in truth your leaving broke me. I can't let it show. I can't give up. Not now…not ever. You gave me a wonderful gift. I am sure it was the way you planned it. Thinking back to happier times I am sure you knew you would have to leave me someday. Emily was a gift from you. The most wonderful gift any one person could give another. All I want now are some answers…so I can understand you better…answers you never gave me to questions I was never able to ask.


For Natalie the hardest thing she ever did was to leave Jay and Emily. She left without an explanation and no indication she would ever return. What else could she do? Her past was going to catch up with her sometime soon. Better, when it did that she was alone. Losing Jay and Emily would be terrible. No this was the right thing to do. The only thing she could do in the circumstances. Natalie nearly fooled herself that she could lead a normal life. One free of the ghosts of the past.


It would seem they had returned to wreak a deadly vengeance on her this time. Time. That is what she had so little of now. Thinking back to her time with Jay, Natalie remembers moments when there were so many countless carefree happy days. She wishes that time could be now. Alas that is all in the past. Now she has to resolve matters before things unravel beyond any hope of a positive resolution. She committed the list to memory all those years ago. Another time, a world away from the one she knew with Jay. It was a hit list. A list of people she was contracted to kill. That job was the reason she disappeared.


The reason she left that life behind. She understood that she was a tool. A pair of hands to do what her employers could not. Yet the killing of innocents was always forbidden to her. Natalie had a code that she lived by and some things she would never be a party to. At worst bystanders had been killed in the past but that was due to chance and not by her own choices.


Civilians getting caught in a crossfire or straying too close to an explosion, it was regrettable and it pained her to know that those people died because of what she had been involved in at the time. She always tried to ensure that only her chosen targets would end up dead. Only people who knew the risks involved and who could either protect themselves or hire people to protect them were valid targets. They had made a choice and sometimes the results of that choice were very terminal.


She could live with the consequences of killing individuals like that. It was either kill or be killed. The choices before her were simple, understandable and straightforward. Killing 15 people on a list, who for all intense purposes were just normal people. Not assassins, bodyguards, professional criminals or even police seemed very strange to her. Natalie always did thorough background checks on her targets. She was always careful to obtain as much information on them as she could, otherwise how could she kill them without knowing everything about them. She took this job in the usual way. Logging online to her chat forum and making contact with Valius.


The person that she used to inform her of what work was available at that time. He provided her with all the initial information on the targets she would need plus he would requisition any weapons and equipment she would require to complete her task. Initial contact was always made via email, and then she would log into the chat forum and arrange a meeting. Everything was discussed in code that any internet surveillance would not be able to decipher. It would seem like an innocent conversation.


They would often spend awhile talking about normal things, like what they had got up to during the day, what television programs might be worth checking out, what kind of plans they were going to be making for dinner etc. Discussing nothing that would betray their true purpose. They never made contact via mobile phone or landline. They knew that using a phone would not only reveal their location to a possible eavesdropper but also their intentions. Meetings had to be in person. Usually in public places during the daytime.


Night time meetings were to be avoided if possible. Shopping centres in busy towns suited them both very well. Plenty of random people going about their business. Lots of crowds and places they could duck into for a few moments in case they suspected they were being followed. A lot of opportunity for them to brush up on their anti surveillance drills. This time after contact was made online, Valius decided that they meet in Cambridge a busy university town. So Natalie got a train into Waterloo from her town.


The express only took 15 minutes to get to London, then she got the tube to Kings Cross. There she waited for the 08:45 express train to Cambridge. Later sitting on the train she pondered why Valius chose Cambridge for this meeting. He always came up with interesting places for them to meet and discuss her assignments. Last time they met in Paris under the Eiffel Tower. After going to the viewing platform at the top they spent the remainder of the day walking and talking in central Paris. He would never just discuss the job and then leave. It was almost as if he wanted to spend time with her and do fun things together in spite of their real reason for meeting.

It was always nice to see him. He had became a wonderful friend over the years they had known each other.


Natalie had been waiting in the lobby of the hotel for the last half an hour. Reading a paperback novel and sipping a coffee. The time was 14.37, and soon her target would be arriving at the hotel. His name was Sergei Luminov and he was a Russian billionaire. He had interests all over the world and was connected to Russian Organized Crime.


The reason she was here was to deliver a message to Mr.Luminov. At exactly 14.42 he entered the hotel flanked by his private security. They took up station around Mr.Luminov as he spoke to the girl at reception. Natalie was careful not to look up when Luminov and his security detail entered. A good bodyguard would immediately register any interest in his principle as hostile and would instantly memorize the individuals face and dress.


Natalie knew the layout of the hotel well as she had spent the most part of a day masquerading as a hotel cleaner last week. All it took was the offer of $300 to one of the young cleaning girls to borrow her keys and spend the day filling in for her. No one was in the least bit suspicious. No one questioned her. The girl she had paid had told her what her shift was that day and enough about the hotel for Natalie to be fully prepared for any questions regarding who she was and why she was here instead of the other girl. She was just another cleaning girl going about her normal duties. And Natalie did them well. Attention to detail was everything.


The time now was 14.46, and Mr.Luminov had finished talking to the girl at reception. As Mr.Luminov was about to walk away, the girl said his name and reached down to the desk and then handed him a plain white envelope. Mr.Luminov smiled and accepted the envelope then headed towards the lifts that would take him and his party to the Penthouse levels. Natalie stood up and walked towards the bar. She then continued to walk past the bar and on to the double doors that led to Conference Room B and the lifts at the other side of this floor.


Her room was nearby. She had paid for it in full for the night in another name and she told the hotel staff that she would be leaving early the next morning. She reached into her pocket for the digital room key and slid it into the slot. The lock beeped and the light went green. Natalie looked both ways before entering her room to make sure she wasn't seen.


In her room she went to the bed and knelt down. Pulling her case out from underneath the bed, Natalie then placed it on the bed and unlocked the combination lock. Opening the case revealed a pair of suppressed MP7s with extended 40 round box magazines, several spare magazines and 4 Hi-explosive grenades in addition to a pair of smoke grenades. The MP7 was designed to be used against targets wearing Body Armour and was extremely effective at ranges up to 200 meters.


She checked over the weapons then replaced them in the case. Then clipped it shut but she didn't lock it this time. Natalie then proceeded to attach the shoulder strap to the case. Then she went over the room making sure that she hadn’t left anything incriminating behind. After several minutes she was happy and placed the case on her shoulder then one last glance around the room she left and headed for the lifts.





Angels remembered


There's a place in far off distant space…

Beyond the stars and the emptiness of the void...

It's a place where I wanted to go to for so many years...

In that somewhere someone waits for me...

Waiting so patiently in the silence of eternity...

I longed to go there...

I tried to get there so many times...

Now I see what I couldn't before...

I will never get there by throwing away what I have here...

Maybe the only way I will reach that place is by staying here for as long as I can...

Giving my best...

Every day...

Loving with my whole heart...

Till my last breath...

There's a longing and a wish...

For things to be other than the way they are...

Perhaps there’s a reason why...

Some people have to die...

Perhaps they could only stay...

For the time they had...

If that’s true it makes the time they spent here all the more special...

I'm grateful for the time I shared with you...

It was an honour to walk with you on your journey...

We were destined to meet...

Not fated to be together forever...

I never told you how I felt...

Then you left...

All I have is what you gave me...

Wonderful memories...

I'll remember forever...

Special moments...

I'll never forget...

And an idea of something...

Something divine...

I knew it once with you...

I just wasn't able to put words around it...

Until now...

However long it takes...

To reach you...

It may seem like forever...

Until I find you...

I know what I will say...

When I see you...

In that place, in far off distant space...

Where Angels linger...




Unknown title


I'm finding it so hard, to go one without you.

The days go on and on taking me away from you.

The day you left, the day I lost you.

Was the hardest day of my life.

I wanted you to be my wife.

Wanted to share this life with you.

Never had the chance to give you that ring.

Never asked you to marry me, I never got to see the look in your eyes, as you heard me say those words now left unsaid.

All the moments I shared with you, are frozen in time.

All the times I held you so close, kissed you slow and gentle.

Walked with you in the park, your arm around my waist, your head on my shoulder.

Laying with you on the sofa laughing and talking, smiling and joking.

I can't go on without you. I miss you so much.

Your touch, your smile, your lasting embrace.

Your cute laugh and the way you looked at me when you told me you loved me.

I'm so lost without you. I'm so sad since you went away.

I can't go on like this. I cant find the strength to keep fighting.

There's no meaning in my life without you.

There's nothing left to fight for.

Forgive me baby for doing this.

It's the only thing I can do.

I want to go to you.

I want to see you again.

Hold you and never ever let you go.


Lost Dreams


In the blackest night all alone, when I just sit and listen. I hear your voice just echoing requiems of a blue world, which drifts silent now without you. You sang in the night of so many sorrowful stories, only a wayfarer knows of the pain I feel without you. Nostalgic images show me again what came before.


I know of a wish so choked in tears, can never hope to come to pass. Only as a dream will it remain forever perfect, utterly flawless.

And though the thought of you brings me to tears.

I must say farewell.

I must say goodbye.


Though I know nothing stays the same.

And all I know comes back to haunt me still.

In the blackest night all alone, when I just sit and listen. I hear your voice echoing requiems of a blue world, which drifts silent now without you.

Only a wayfarer knows of the loneliness I feel without you.

And of those nostalgic images that show me again what came before. They bring me close to tears for I remember you as I always will.


I listen for your voice.

I stay there awhile and listen for your voice.

But now I know I will no longer hear your melodious song.

So may you stay here forever in my memory.

And of this journey on and on, with no end in sight. I must go on.

So I say farewell.

And I say goodbye.


But know this my love for you is without end, just like the sky overhead.

My intentions like steel hot as fire.

I know of a wish so choked in tears of sadness and regret, can never hope to come to pass.

Alas only as a dream will it remain, forever perfect, utterly flawless, unchanging in time.

So I say farewell with bitter regrets.

And I say goodbye with a heavy heart.


And here on this darkest night, I think the woman who I fell in love with all those years ago.

And though I know nothing stays the same.

I still sit here on the coldest of nights and hope to hear your voice call out to me again.

A sadness fills my heart for I know it will never come to pass like that wish so choked with tears. For now all I hear is whispers on the wind.


And though I wish I could have stayed here forever on this cold dark night all alone, without you. Listening for your voice. I know I must go on without you, on this journey on and on.

Know this my love for you is like the sky without end.

My intentions like steel, hot as fire.

So I say farewell, though I will never forget you.

And I say goodbye, for I know I will always miss you.






We were walking and talking, laughing and joking.

Later sitting next to you, your arms around my waist, your head on my shoulder.

Just living in the moment...yeah.

Feeling so alive...yeah.

It's a feeling that I never want to end.

you and me baby...forever.

I love you true

I will always be here with you.

No goodbyes.

No farewells.

Always together, every day together.

Forever you and me.

Sitting there with you under that tree.


Talking with you,

Feeling the warmth of your body next to me.

Seeing the look in your eyes,

As I looked at you and said,

I love you...I always will.

Seeing you smile, oh my god...

How happy you made me feel.

I love you...I always will.

That moment is forever...

Yours and mine...





Sometimes I feel so weak. The strength has left me completely and it feels like I'm laying in a desert dying thousands of miles from anyone that could help me. Then from somewhere I feel the strength flow into me from outside and a voice in my mind says over and over again, "don't give up now, keep on fighting."


I can stand and I start to walk along this long and winding road once again. I can lookup into that night sky and see the stars shining oh so bright. I think to myself how beautiful they look. I feel you. I know you're near. I know you're right here.


You always find a way to reach out your hand to mine and grip it tightly. And though I can't feel your hand in mine, I sense a slight pressure, it's not empty air there.


Sometimes I go to the church after midnight. I stand in the cemetery among the dead and sleeping angels. And on one of those nights I looked up into that night sky and I ask God, "why?" A wind picks up and shakes the tree, and in that place and at that time I say,


"i'm sorry for what happened," "I still miss you so much," "I wish you were here," and as a tear wells in my eye but before it hits the ground I have my answer, for in my heart I know this truth.


You never left me. And over the years those times when even luck had run out and I should have died I still made it through and that my dear is thanks to you. "thank you for always being there," "I love you, I always will."






Stepping Back Into The Shadows


You left me but I know it’s not what you wanted. You were stolen from me all those years ago. I had the chance to say four words to you that could have changed that final outcome. Please stay, don’t go. That’s all I needed to say and who knows what could have been. All I know is what was.


You lay in my arms the night before your flight. I never knew you to cry as much as you did that night. I know you didn’t want to leave but I was thinking of you when I said that I’d be right here when you finished your placement a year from now. I said I’d wait right here for you.


You worked so hard to get where you were, I didn’t want you to throw it all away for me. So eventually your tears grew less and I saw a brave smile on your face again. You lay on my chest asleep as I pondered to myself that it’d be a whole year till I’d see you again. I awoke the next morning to find you had gone.


You left with out saying goodbye. I found your note on the fridge. I waited for your call from the airport. We spoke till they called your flight. In my heart I knew I’d see you again. How was I to know I’d have to wait a whole lifetime till that moment. 2 days after your flight landed you were driving back home. It was a bad storm and they said the flyover’s barrier was weakened.


I wish I could have been in your car that night. When it went over and hit the road below. I wish sometimes in my weakest moments I could have been with you so you weren’t alone. That’s what hurts me the most. You were all alone, and I know how long those seconds would have stretched out into eternity.


I’m sorry I wasn’t with you at the end. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I loved you. You never heard me say those three simple words. But I hope you felt it everyday. Those days we were together. 11 months of perfection I'll always remember. I’ll never regret the day I met you, you changed my life 14 years ago...




I look back at where we used to be. I see you with me. I smile in spite of the tears for I see us together, happy, carefree.

Back then I would have never thought it could have ever ended. You had me. I had you. We were both living one life, together.

That was the thing. Hours every night on the phone. All those stolen moments we shared linger in the mind. All those times we spent together.

That time in the car park in the pouring rain. We were just sitting on the concrete talking, laughing and joking.

You had your arm around my waist and I had just brushed your hair from your face.

Wow, your smile always made my heart skip a beat.


I can look now and see us back then. I wish it never ended. I wish it could be like that again.

I should really take your picture down from my wall. Fight the temptation to call you every day. Stop reading all the letters you sent me.

Put it all in the past. You live your life. I live mine. Maybe someday we can meet again.

Talk about life since then. Tell each other of all the adventures we had and all the great things we did. Right now it has to be goodbye.

But I hope ill see you again before I die.





sail away with me


If I had never met you, I would have died so alone.

If I had never met you, I would have never heard those Angels calling out my name.

Without you I have no purpose, I'm so lost. Without you I'm just a ghost.

But now you're here. I am alive again.

And don't be surprised if you feel so alive, hold on tight my dear and we will sail away from here.


And I guess this, is what it feels like to be alive.

And I guess this, is what it feels like to be alive.

To have you here, near me, constantly by my side.


We will leave behind all the bad things that chased us for so long.

We will leave them so far in the past and start a new life in a land where there is no pain.

A land where we are whole again.

And don't be surprised if you feel so alive, hold on tight my dear and we will sail away from here.


And I guess this, is what it feels like to be alive.

And I guess this, is what it feels like to be alive.

To have you here, near me, constantly by my side.


We have a future now full of hope and promise.

We have all the answers now to the questions we had our whole lives.

All you got to do is trust me this time, I won't fail you now.

And don't be surprised if you feel so alive, hold on tight my dear and we will sail away from here.




And I guess this, is what it feels like to be alive.

And I guess this, is what it feels like to be alive.

To have you here, near me, constantly by my side.


Look up to the sky. Do you see it's so blue and clear?

We rode out the storms, we're nearly there my dear.

I asked you to trust me. I knew we'd make it one day.

And don't be surprised if you feel so alive, hold on tight my dear we will sail away from here.


And I guess this, is what it feels like to be alive.

And I guess this, is what it feels like to be alive.

To have you here, near me, constantly by my side.


I'm glad you're here, I'm glad you're with me. Always near.

The tears roll down my face when I see you smile at me that way.

When you say those three words to me. Oh how happy you make me feel.

I told you we'd make it and now we're here. This is our heaven.





I Love You...

I love you maybe more than you know...

I will love you till the stars wink out...

I will love you till the world slows...

I will love you till time runs still...

I will love you till the universe itself ceases its endless dance and darkness consumes all things...

I will love you still...

You are always close to my heart...

You are never far from my thoughts...

I love you always and forever...




Take My Hand


Take my hand and fly with me…

I will show you lands you have never seen…

I will take you to the stars overhead…

Together we will reach the heavens above…

Hold my hand tight and don't let go…

We'll get there I swear…

I'm never leaving you…

Where you are I will be there too…


And always…

I will love you…






There are times when we are far from the one we love…

At those times the heart longs to be close to that someone…

Somewhere another heart longs to be close too…

When those hearts meet after being apart for so long…

Something happens, something profound…

The passing of time has no meaning…

For what they are feeling is divine…

It’s like those moments last and last…

Frozen in time and memory forever…

Those precious seconds with the one we love strengthen us and give us hope…

That we will see each other again, someday, sometime soon…

Love can overcome anything, time, distance and any obstacle…

When two people love each other nothing can come between them ever…

Deserts, mountains and oceans cannot prevent lovers from being together…

For God sees all things. And those who love the Lord are protected by him…

God sends them angels who watch over them and keep them from harm…

Lovers who dwell in the light of God will never be separated or parted…

They will always know the closeness and warmth of each other…

And their love will stand the test of time…





Unanswered Questions


What happened to us? to the people we used to be?

Where did we go so wrong? leaving behind all those good times we had?

Lost in so much heart ache and pain.

Will you ever look at me the way you did once.

And say those words that always made my heart skip a beat.

Will you laugh in that cute way you do that makes me catch my breath.

You always made me feel so alive inside

You always made my days the best I ever knew.

Now its over and im dead inside

Now its over and I cant hold back the regrets and the sadness.

I feel so tired I feel so lost

Wont you unsay those words and come back

Come back to me

Come back to me





Wild Horses


Wild horses run free

Its not a statement it’s the truth

Don’t you want to feel the freedom only wild horses know.

Free to be yourself, free to express yourself, from your heart and soul

Free to be who you are deep inside, shorn of all the secrets you hide

Free to give your heart to the one you love with no fear

I want you to know the freedom only wild horses know

Live the dream with me

Live the dream with me

Wild horses run free

That’s the way I want us to be

Will you run awhile with me to nowhere in particular

Will you run with me through the night till the sunlight shines oh so bright

Will you love me the way I love you

Will you follow your heart (I hope it leads you to me)







If I had to fly. If there was no time for goodbye. If something happened. Would you wait here for me? Would you stay here till it was time for you to leave and not a moment sooner?

Promise me you would wait here. Promise me you would stay here, till you heard word from me. Wherever I was I would wait for you.

I swear time would have no hold over me, it would have no meaning until you were in my arms again.

You gave me your love and I keep it close to my heart. I close my eyes and instead of darkness I see an image of you looking back at me. I can hear your voice whispering softly “I love you.“

Whatever perils I face I know I will be safe. Your love is my shield.

Even if the world were in complete darkness I would have your light to see by. I would not be lost. I would be able to find you again.

I just hope you will be here waiting for me. If love dies there is no hope, if hope dies there is no reason, if there is no reason then why stay?

You are a reason for me to stay here. So I will never leave you. So will you wait here for me till I send word to you?

Till then farewell. Good fortune be yours, much luck wherever you fare. Farewell, I love you my Angel. I always will.



I don’t want to run anymore. I can’t hide forever.

Will you be the one to find me?

Will you be the one to keep me safe?

I’m sorry for being so weak.

I can’t seem to stand, my strength is failing fast.


Will you reach out your hand and keep me from falling?

Will you be the one to lead me out of this darkness?

I’ve been running for so long.

Feeling so afraid that the end is looming near.

Losing a sense of who I am and who I used to be.


Help me find myself again.

I don’t want to feel despair anymore

Will you help me leave this pain behind?

Will you help me fight this fear?

Promise me you will always be right beside me.

I don’t want you to ever leave.

Now you’re here I can dare to hope things will be better.

I feel that everything will be ok.




The way you make me feel (Katie liked this one the best)


Thoughts of you send me soaring high into the sky. Oh what a feeling to be loved and needed. The memory of your kiss sends shivers along my spine and makes my heart beat faster and faster. The look of longing and adoration in your eyes as you said the words, “I love you” oh how I smiled and smiled. The feeling of your body next to mine, your warmth, your touch, your lasting embrace. Is this what it is to be truly alive?

Your loving way has changed me from the ghost I had become to the man I am now.

I have you to thank for this unbelievable happiness I have and this sense of peace and contentment I feel. You are my centre, you complete me.




Searching For Her


My whole life I have been searching for something I cannot quite describe. All I knew was I would know what it was when I finally found it. Turns out it was not something it was someone. It was you. All the paths I have trodden in the end led me to you.

All the hardships I endured, all of the wonderful moments I experienced in the end created who I am as you knew me that first moment we met.

My life is filled with moments of such sadness it would break most hearts however there are so many moments of joy and happiness that bring tears to my eyes. That first time I saw you.

That night we spent together. As well as all of the moments we have shared since that day. You bring me the best days of my life. You make me so glad to be alive at this moment. You make me so happy.

You gave me back what I had lost and you breathed life into me. I would do anything for you. I would give up everything I have to show you how much I cared. I would sacrifice myself for you a thousand, thousand times.







Standing there at the edge of nowhere, collecting all my thoughts of you as the tears run

down my face. In my mind I see you clearly looking back at me with that smile so bright and


I think back to that night. I never knew how lost you felt, you hid it so well. I

never knew you'd given up on everything. I never knew you lost the fight and the will to

live. I always thought you'd be here I never thought you'd ever leave.

Thinking back to the last time I saw you when I held you and said I love you. You didn't say goodbye even though

you knew it would be, you said see you instead. I shouldn't have left you like that, I

should have stayed, I should have told you I wasn’t going instead of leaving on that plane.

I always thought I'd come back and you'd be there waiting for me. I should have seen the

truth. That you were barely hanging on. When I left you alone I had no idea that I left you

heartbroken. Why didn't you find the words to say how you really felt inside.

Why didn't you tell me not to go and I would have stayed. Now I find myself on the edge of nowhere not

wanting another day to go by without you. So here I am with these thoughts of you running

through my head as I get ready to jump into the emptiness below me.

I hope you'll forgive me for what I'm doing tonight. I love you shouldn't be goodbye. See you shouldn't be the last

thing I heard you say. What I would give to hear your voice again, telling me it will be ok.

I wish you had found a way to stay, to keep me right here waiting.

I wish I never chose to walk away.





Silent Reverie

I'm lost but I'm not alone. I'm drifting but I'm not afraid. There's a voice in my soul that always speaks to me. It comforts me and calms me. It's a voice that is quite familiar to me. In those fragile moments when I question everything including my existence it's that voice that says, "don't give up, keep on fighting, don't throw it all away." It's a voice I've heard so clearly for so many years.

Although I cannot see your face, touch your hand, hold you close. I can still hear your voice in my soul. I'm not afraid anymore. For I know I'm not alone even during those dark times when I felt I had no one to turn to. Those times when I almost threw it all away, it was your voice that spoke to me and kept me from giving it all up. Your words cross the void and speak to me with warmth and kindness.

I know when you were alive I didn't tell you I loved you. We never used those words. I guess we didn't need to. We showed it every day. A glance, soft words spoken with great affection, many moments where all there was, was you and me, and nothing else mattered.

Looking back I realise now how much you taught me about life. You were the great love of my life. And I look back at that time when you and I were together with much fondness. We used to talk so much about so many things, silly and serious, of trivial consequence and great importance.

It's your voice that has stayed with me for all these years and how much I miss hearing you talk to me overwhelms me sometimes. I'd give anything to speak to you one more time. For you to hear me say these words, "I've missed you all these years and I love you Kitsumi, I always will," and to hear your response. To hear you say, "I love you," just one time.